Being Anxious vs. Having Anxiety

🌟Weekly Inspiration🌟

It is important to distinguish between being anxious versus having anxiety—particularly when we are labeling a young person. (Caveat—this whole discussion is also true with “being depressed” vs “having depression” or “experiencing trauma” vs “being traumatized” etc.). Sometimes people don’t realize that anxiety and depression are not necessarily life sentences. The vast majority of people come in and out of depression/anxiety depending on the circumstances in their lives and relationships. Most people do not suffer with lifelong symptoms. We all have predispositions towards certain medical or mental health risks, but it doesn’t mean that anything will come to pass necessarily. In many circumstances, depression/anxiety/trauma response is normal, adaptive, and protective. It makes sense to be depressed/anxious after a loss, moving away, going through something traumatic, having your parents divorce, or going through a break-up. We humans are resilient and with time, love, and support, we heal and function after challenging times.

In order to meet the definition of anxiety in the Diagnostic Statistical Manual, one must have several features of anxiety AND be impaired in their functioning in life. Many people claim to have “anxiety” and do not actually meet the criteria for Generalized Anxiety because they don’t have functional impairment.  Anxiety must be debilitating to meet the definition. Many people have sensitivities and have some symptoms, but not the full blown diagnosis. This is good news ❤️. However, we live in a world where people are diagnosing themselves on Tik Tok and presenting to therapists with a litany of diagnoses that they believe that they have (and usually do not).

We hear more young people (and adults!) saying “I have anxiety.” I think it’s important to distinguish and say “it sounds like you have been feeling anxious recently.” I do not like a young person considering anxiety a part of their identity.  It is different to be a young person and say that one is smart, musical, or gay. It is different to say that they "have anxiety" and incorporate this into their developing identity. I do not want kids over-identifying and pathologizing themselves. They are changing so much; most of the time, there is no reason to think they will be burdened with mental health concerns for a lifetime. Our kids are growing up in a world where mental health is less stigmatized (yay!), but possibly they are over-identifying with mental health conditions as well. They are growing up in a world where people are over-diagnosed and over-medicated. They are growing up in a world where kids need a major diagnosis to receive supportive services at school or to get reimbursed for therapy from an insurance company. There are many systemic problems that need attention to be sure.

I’m scratching the surface on an important and complex topic. Of course, there are exceptions. Of course, there are major mental health diagnoses that are lifelong. Just want to get you thinking!

Ask Yourself

Do I label my kids?  
Should I hold more lightly to labels given that my kids are changing all the time?
Do my kids over-identify in this way? Why? What could be the downside?
Had I realized that our moods and vulnerabilities are not static, that they change over time?
Do I pigeonhole myself in this way? Is it accurate? Does it undermine my hope or innate resilience?
As a family, do we have a growth mindset?

Be well!