Grief During The Holidays
With the holiday season approaching, this time of year can bring warmth, joy, and a sense of belonging. Yet, for many families who have experienced loss, this season can bring a mix of emotions such as sadness, loneliness, grief, and longing.
The death of a loved one, a family separation, or a significant life change it is important to address how children feel these losses even when they do not have the words to express it.
Everyone grieves in their own way and each way someone grieves should be honored. This is no different for children who are experiencing grief. One moment a child may seem sad or withdraw and then the next the child is laughing, playing, and very engaged. It is important to note that this is a normal part of the grief process. This is what comes with processing something big such as the loss of a loved one, family separation, or a singficant life change for a child.
Understanding the Many Types of Loss
Grief is often associated only with death, but grief can be triggered by other kinds of changes or
separations, especially for children. The different types of loss:
The death of a loved one or pet
Divorce, separation, remarriage, or blending of families
Moving to a new home or school; losing your home in a natural disaster
The loss of a friendship or losing a friend group
The end of a school year or end of school era (going into middle school, graduating middle school, graduating from high school)
All these different experiences are singficant for children and can create feelings of sadness, grief, fear of the future, and confusion. Recognizing these forms of grief as parents can be helpful as it leads to you offering empathy and reassure to your child when it is needed.
Supporting Grieving Children During the Holidays
1. Acknowledge Their Feelings
Let children know it is okay to feel sad, angry, confused, or even joyful while grieving. Grief is so complex which means it is not just one feeling. Grief is a full range of emotions that come and go.
2. Keep Traditions (and Create New Ones)
Honoring your loved one can help maintain a sense of connection for your child. Honoring your loved may look like sharing memories, making or enjoying their favorite meal, or engaging in a game or watching a movie your loved one enjoyed. At the same time, it may also be helpful to allow new traditions during this time.
3. Encourage the Expression of Grief in Different Ways
Children may not express their grief through talking about it, crying, and withdrawing. Children may express their grief through art, play, movement, or storytelling. It is important to provide different outlets for these expressions while recognize that there is no “right” way to grieve.
4. Maintain Predictable Routines
Structure brings safety which can be incredibly important during a time of change for children. Maintaining predictability for your child may look like keeping bedtime, meals, and daily routines consistent.
5. Be Patient
Grief doesn’t follow a timeline. A child may seem fine for weeks, then become tearful again months later. Continue checking in and reminding them that all feelings are welcome, even long after the loss.
It is important to remember that this holiday season connection is what helps with healing.
Journal Questions: Preparing for the Holidays
1. What are your hopes or intentions for how you’d like to feel during the holidays?
2. Are there any family traditions that feel too painful to continue this year?
3. Would creating new traditions help you honor your loved one and your needs right now? If so, what new traditions do you want to make happen?
4. What do you want to avoid doing or feeling, and how can you try to set boundaries around these?
5. Who can you reach out to when you need support or company?
6. What self-care practices can you prioritize during the holidays?
