Grow the Tree You've Got

🌟Weekly Inspiration🌟

During the month of October, we are going to consider our children and the college application process. This applies to you even if you have young children! We increasingly have elementary school kids coming to therapy and sharing their stress about getting into college. Let that sink in ❤️. It is never too early to start seeing the child in front of us and holding the stressful parenting culture around college admissions at bay.
 
Take a deep breath and think about you child (or children). Remember who they were at a young age, what were they interested in? Were they extraverted or introverted? When were they most in flow? What made them tick? What was challenging for them? 
 
As parents, we can easily slip into controlling and criticizing the child we have in front of us. Perhaps we feel that we know best and have the recipe for success for them. Perhaps we are fearful and it makes us say and do things that are not good for the child that is growing before our eyes. Sometimes we see traits in our child that make us uncomfortable or worried that things will be harder for them. It can feel difficult to accept the child in front of us sometimes. What might it feel like to lean in, though, and grow the tree you’ve got? Is there any sense in trying to make an Oak tree a Palm tree? Doesn’t the world need both?
 
Consider how this concept applies to the college application process. Sometimes parents have strong opinions about where a child should apply and what major they should select. It makes sense for parents to weigh in on where the family can afford to send a child to college etc…but mostly, the college process and choices should be left to the young adult! This is often a young person’s first big decision of adulthood-it is a declaration of who they are and you should be proud if your child can make that decision on their own. Sometimes young people declare that they DO NOT want to go to college at all, they’d prefer to work, go to a trade school, or start at a local community college. Embrace the young person that is clear on that and support them in their endeavors. We have worked with so many young people in our practice, on so many different paths and success comes in many forms, and parents need to remember this and check themselves! 

Ask Yourself:

Did my parents see me clearly and allow me to make my own decisions as I got older?
Can I separate my wants and desires for them from their own wants and desires for themselves?
Is it more important to me that my child please me or themselves?
Is my voice so loud that they can’t hear themselves think?
If they are stuck, can I reflect back to them who I’ve always observed them to be?
Am I growing the tree that I’ve got?

Most children want to please their parents. Tread carefully with their hearts and spirits ❤️.