Less is More

Oct 13

**🌟Weekly Inspiration🌟**

I talk too much, especially as a mom. My husband often signals me to zip my mouth when our teenagers have gotten the message and are done listening to me. I have a Post-it note on my microwave that reads: WAIT (Why Am I Talking?). I need lots of reminders to talk less, listen more, and not weigh in on everything with our kids.

This is especially true when we consider a "less is more" approach to the college process. Teenagers (and young children nowadays) hear constant chatter from their peers, their teachers, their coaches, their college counselors, and their parents about grades, test scores, where they should apply, how many schools they should apply to, etc. IT IS OVERWHELMING TO THEM. Often parents of high schoolers are checking their grades regularly, chatting about majors/careers/college regularly, and applying a lot of pressure where there is already plenty. Parental anxiety is real, and parents have trouble letting their kids take charge of their own process and life. Try to remember that where one goes to college is not the end all and be all of their life. Seriously! It is one chapter in a long story.

Consider limiting your conversation around college, even (and especially!) with your seniors. There really should be no dialogue about college with kids until 10th or 11th grade, in my opinion. In our home, we have found that a once-weekly check-in for ten minutes has worked well. Feeling on top of things? Wrapping up your personal statement? Need help with the Common App? That's it. We have a set time each week. We don't nag, double-check, or do it for our kids. We don't talk to our kids' friends about where they are applying. We try not to be fearful. We want our kids to feel like they have accomplished something huge by just getting the applications in, all on their own. We try to remember that we had our own college journey…and now it's their turn (which has very little to do with us). Make yourself available if they have questions or need help, but consider telling them "you've got this," "you're on the right track," and "yes, looks good, keep plugging away." If they aren't mature enough to be in charge of this process, they may not be ready to go away to school at all. Accept who your child is.

We learned some of this the hard way and have not always navigated this smoothly. We are now on our second child applying for college, and we are trying to improve how we go about this to have less stress, fewer tears, and more joy during 12th grade.