Raising, Then Releasing

🌟Weekly Inspiration🌟

"Children aren't responsible for their parents' happiness, but they still try."

"The world is full of miracles, but none greater than how far a young person can be carried by someone else's belief in them."

-MY FRIENDS, by Fredrik Backman

As we close out the series on seniors and college applications, I want you to consider these two quotes. I recently read this beautiful book about adolescence, an artist, a foster kid, a teacher, troubled kids from challenged families, grief and loss, and friendship. It was impactful and has me still thinking about it!

1st idea: Children actually want to please their parents, even most contrary teenagers. Teens applying to college have heard your commentary (and hushed silences as well) as it relates to college throughout their life. They have been paying attention and already know exactly how you feel about them and their options and choices. Many kids feel the weight of their parents' happiness upon them, college applications are the ultimate form of performative pressure.

2nd Idea: True unconditional love, acceptance, and belief in our children is undoubtedly a protective factor for young people. Most parents, though, struggle to truly love unconditionally and express belief in their children without control and expectations. Most parents are tangled up in their children's performance and decisions. Other adults and mentors in your children's lives might actually help them soar more than you can.

Ask Yourself:

Is it important to me that I raise someone who ultimately wants to please themselves, even at the risk of not pleasing me?

Do I put pressure on my child to please me?

How can I have a quietly supportive stance as I consider the college process for my kid?

Do I say, "We are applying to x, y, or z" OR do I say, "They are applying to x, y, or z."?

How can I begin to untangle myself from my child a bit more?

Does my child have people that believe in them with fewer strings attached?

Best of luck to all the seniors that are applying! Huge accomplishment to push Submit! Best of luck to all the kids choosing a different path in a world that tends to value conformity! Sending love to all the parents out there ❤️. No matter the age of your child, you will be in this moment before you know it. xx