The Message We Send When We Do Too Much

🌟Weekly Inspiration🌟

March Monthly Theme: Trusting your child's competence and building independence

It's natural for parents to swoop in and handle things for their kids—sometimes it's genuinely easier to just take care of it ourselves, and sometimes it's developmentally appropriate to do more for our children. But here's the thing: it's not just parents. Other important adults in your child's life—teachers, therapists, coaches—can find themselves tempted to do too much for young people too. We want to make things easy on them, coddle them, or jump to the rescue if they're emotionally uncomfortable. It's common… but it can be problematic.

Every time adults swoop in and solve a problem that a child could handle themselves, we're sending an unintended message: I don't think you can do this.

Our "helping" can become hurting. It robs kids of the chance to build competence and confidence. Often parents jump in out of love, wanting to protect their child from struggle—but there's a long-term cost. This shows up differently at different ages: tying shoes for a capable kindergartener, doing a teenager's laundry, reaching out to a college professor about a grade. Parents, especially stay-at-home parents, can fall into patterns of over-functioning because their identity becomes so wrapped up in being needed.

This month, let's all try to build our children's capability by stepping back.

Ask Yourself:

Do I swoop in too often?
Why? (Is it quicker to solve things myself when I'm always in a rush? Do I not want to see them suffer? Am I too invested in the outcome?)
Do I think my children are capable?
Would my kids say that I treat them as if they are capable?
Did my parents let me be responsible for myself in many ways? Did they overfunction for me?
Is my identity too wrapped up in doing for them and being needed?

Be Well. ❤️