"We Got In" - And Other Ways We Make It About Us

🌟Weekly Inspiration🌟

Monthly Theme: It's Their Journey, Not Ours

Parents, be honest with yourself… how often have you said, "We made it to CIF"… "We won the art contest"… "We didn't make the volleyball team"… "We got into college"? Most parents have said something like this at some point, and it's one of my pet peeves ❤️. It's easy to fall into the parental overidentification trap in modern parenting. It seems harmless — everyone around us talks this way. We live vicariously, or we carry anxiety that's really about our own identity, not their future. We feel their highs and lows as if they were our own, and they're not. We get overly involved and start to orchestrate. We curate their resumes, help write their college essays, text the coach, or cry at every campus tour. We make things about ourselves when it really should be about them. This is their journey, their life — not ours. We already had our chance and made our choices — and I would argue, with far less input from our parents than we give our kids today.

If you have younger children, consider this your seed. If you're already stressed about college and your kid is in 5th grade, this is your sign to settle down. We see kids in our practice every week who are anxious about their lives and future — and they are far too young for that. How can you breathe and ground yourself as a parent? The college process is one tiny blip in a long life. Let's keep it all in perspective.

Ask Yourself:

When my child is struggling, is my first instinct to fix it or to support them in fixing it themselves?
What am I afraid will happen if I don't rescue them?
Can I tolerate their discomfort? Can I tolerate their failure? Why or why not?
Do I love them unconditionally? Is it much easier for me to love them when they are successful?
How can I be present without being the solution?
Was I rescued? Was I supported?
Any shifts that I can make?

Be Well. ❤️